


Solace

by anastiel



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Melancholy, Sad, Supernatural is ending and everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 09:18:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastiel/pseuds/anastiel
Summary: They land in Vancouver late in the evening, touching down an hour after sunset. Misha elected to fly back with Jared and Jensen from San Diego instead of flying home and driving up in the morning. They all have an early call in the morning, it made more sense this way. Plus, being together was what they needed most right now.





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Post-SDCC 2019 fic. I’m sorry for the tears. Come yell at me on Twitter. <3

They land in Vancouver late in the evening, touching down an hour after sunset. Misha elected to fly back with Jared and Jensen from San Diego instead of flying home and driving up in the morning. They all have an early call in the morning, it made more sense this way. Plus, being together was what they needed most right now.

The flight home is quiet, interspersed with periods of restless sleep, reminiscing over the events this morning, and holding back tears. Jared was the worst off, eyes constantly red and every time either Misha or Jensen looked at him, they’d all start crying.

Needless to say, everyone is a mess.

While this weekend was refreshing, getting to see the fans and each other, it was a harsh reminder of what they’d all been trying to desperately forget over hiatus. For Jensen, the first two days of filming felt off, he was directing but not himself and neither Jared or Misha had been there. The gravity of everything did hit him the first day back during location scouting, but everything was really hitting right now.

“Do you think we made the right choice?” Jared asks at some point during the flight, voice stuttering through hidden tears and he wipes his eyes again. 

Jensen can’t answer at first. His initial reaction is no, because why would they give this up? But he thinks about their kids, about their families, and all the things they’ve already missed over their childhood and nods, yes. 

Sometimes the right choice is the hardest choice.

“Do you wanna come over?” Jensen asks, once the three of them and Clif are in the car, the city sparkling around them. He doesn’t want him to be alone right now, if he doesn’t think he can stand to be.

Jared sniffles and in the shadows cast by the buildings, Jensen sees him shake his head. “I’m okay. I think I want to process by myself a bit, before tomorrow. I know shit is gonna be hard and I think I just need some time.” 

Jensen looks at him until Jared looks back and gives him a nod that he’s okay. “Alright, if you need us at any point I don’t care if it’s three am, just call okay?”

“Okay.”

Jared hugs them both before getting out of the car, lingering a little longer than normal, before pulling himself together and clapping them both firmly on the back. 

“Hang in there,” Jensen says.

Jared nods and gives him and Misha the barest hint of a smile he probably can manage right now. “You too. See you tomorrow.”

* * *

Ten minutes later Clif is dropping Misha and Jensen off at Jensen’s place. Jensen hugs Clif when he gets out of the car, he doesn’t usually but today is different he’s been along for the ride with them, and Jensen knows that though the loss is different it’s probably affecting him too. 

“Seven tomorrow?” Clif asks.

“Yep seven.”

“Don’t cry too much, tonight,” Clif says.

“No promises,” Misha chimes in. 

And together they all share a laugh before saying their goodbyes.

Misha hasn’t said much the entire drive, mostly kept to himself. He tends to do so in times like these and it always worries Jensen to not fully know how he’s feeling. The moment the elevator doors slide shut Misha reaches across the space between them and gently takes Jensen’s hand in his own and squeezes tight.

Jensen sees this as the opening it is and asks, “How are you doing?”

Misha laughs miserably and Jensen looks over, meeting his eyes and finding them brimming with tears. “Terrible.” 

Jensen pulls him into a hug, a real one in the privacy of this place, and feels Misha melt against him.

“Me too.” Jensen says. He kisses the top of Misha forehead and feels him sniffles against his shirt.

“We’ll be okay.” Jensen isn’t sure of the truth of his own words right now, but he has to believe them because there’s no way he will get through tomorrow let alone the rest of the season if he, if they aren’t okay. 

He feels the weight of all of this, the culmination of his greatest life’s work up to this point weighing him down, the unknown of a year from now terrifies him, especially since he won't automatically have Misha and Jared by his side for any new projects he might do. 

He’s excited for the change, but the idea of moving on from this show which has been so monumental in his life and in his relationships will leave a permanent missing puzzle piece in his heart.

Once inside Jensen’s condo, Misha stays close, always brushing against him in some way. They’re both exhausted over the emotional turmoil of the day, and unlike most nights, they get ready for bed together. Misha’s shoulder bumps into his while they brush their teeth, and he steals a chaste minty kiss from Jensen’s mouth once they’ve both finished. 

Jensen leaves the bathroom first, rests his hand on the curve of Misha’s shoulder to let him know he’s there, to say thank you for knowing exactly what they both need when there isn’t a way to express it.

“I’ll be in bed when you’re done,” Jensen says, and kisses the side of his scruffy cheek. His heart aches when Misha leans into the touch and drags his fingers across Jensen’s side as he slips away.

Jensen settles himself in the middle of the bed, staring out at the Vancouver skyline. The blankets pool around his crossed legs and he just looks, blankly out at this vibrant city he’s called a partial home for the past fifteen years. The weight of grief comes over him suddenly, intermixed with melancholy at what he will still have when this is all over. Danneel, Misha, Jared, and an extended family across the world that shouldn’t exist, but does.

He will miss Dean, and the joy of stepping into his shoes and letting him live for awhile, but he won’t ever be gone, and neither will all the memories he’s made.

The tears fall silently, wracking sobs that get his body shaking. He hasn’t allowed himself to truly cry, not like this, not since they made the announcement so many months ago. Finally, the dam broke. 

“Oh Jensen,” Misha whispers, sympathetic, his own sadness echoed in his words. 

The bed dips behind him and Misha’s arms instantly wrap around his shoulders, pulling Jensen back to cradle him against his chest. 

“We’re gonna be okay, right? That’s what you told me.” 

Jensen looks up at him through damp eyelashes and nods. Misha kisses the corner of his mouth and drags him tighter into his embrace. Jensen lets himself cry in the solace of Misha’s arms, one of his few safe spaces. Misha holds him, silently, but Jensen knows he’s probably crying too, until Jensen’s own sobs slow to hiccups and he starts to calm down. 

“Do you know what I’m the most grateful for? This show gave me so much, gave all of us  _ so much _ ,” Misha says, his voice breaking, “But most of all, it gave me you.”

Jensen makes a noise between a sob and a laugh and slaps Misha’s shoulder, “You asshole, now I’m crying again.” 

“I love you,” Misha says, more genuine and full of love than Jensen thinks he’s ever heard him say it before. 

“I love you,” Jensen echoes back and he means it so fucking much. 

Jensen turns in Misha’s arms, nudges at him until Misha releases him a little so they can lie down next to each other. They’re facing each other, the same way they always sleep, Jensen’s arm wrapped around Misha's side, palm wide on the flat of his back. Misha cups Jensen’s face with his palm, uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away Jensen’s tears. He slips his legs between Jensen’s and gets them close until they’re within kissing distance and their foreheads are pressed together.

Jensen breathes slow, even, trying to calm himself down and Misha matches him. They just look at each other, touching, Misha's thumb rubbing circles onto Jensen’s cheek. 

He’s not sure who moves first, but somehow they start kissing. It’s lazy and slow, eventually turning into a makeout session that for probably one of the first times isn’t going any further than this. They’re kissing just to kiss, losing themselves in the intoxicating wet slip-slide of their lips together. Kissing Misha never not spark something hot inside Jensen’s gut, that makes him wanting more, but tonight it remains a dull ache, replaced by the neediness of just being close to him. 

Misha pulls back, breathes out a heavy side that tickles Jensen’s cheek. He smiles, soft and sad, and leans back in to kiss the tip of Jensen’s nose.

“Lots of shit is going to change,“ Misha starts and the pauses looking contemplative while he searches for his words. “Even this, but we will adapt. This won’t go away, we will always have each other.” 

“I believe you.” 

“Good. Sleep?” 

“Yeah, sleep.”

Jensen kisses him one more time and snuggles closer, holding on tight for whatever comes next. 


End file.
